10 Things 14 Things We Hate About being Gluten Free

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I’m at that point in my gluten free living, where if I hear ONE MORE TIME that I’m doing this as part of a trend, I just may throat punch the person who said it. It’s just going to be one of my new involuntary body actions that happens when confronted with ignorant and stupid. On the flip side of things, while I haven’t indulged in some of my favorite foods for YEARS….the mere sight of them has brought me to tears more times than I would like to admit in the last months. So, here’s my silly little list. (Some of you will truly understand, and agree with many!!) If YOU are gluten free, and have anything to add to my list, please comment with your addition!!

#1- No “fast” snacks are available ANYWHERE while you’re out and about. I know, I know…I could pack my snacks. And I do. But seriously, how freaking easy is it to run into the Marathon station and grab a protein bar and a smoothie? Or a bag of chips? Or cookies? You see where I’m going here. Thankfully, the Meijer gas stations have fruit for these quick snack runs. (But still, where is the excitement in an apple?!)

#2- “Mandatory” dinners with no choice, or gluten free options. Whether it’s a business luncheon, event, or family gathering….it always seems to be an issue. Even if we just quietly sit back, and avoid the foods we can’t eat. Never fails that someone feels that they need to point it out, and push the issue. It’s one thing at business meetings, but a whole other when it’s a family gathering. Shouldn’t family know, ask, or at least pretend to care? Especially when it’s a medical situation, not a diet fad?

#3- Grocery shopping with label reading. I read people complain about taking their kids to the grocery store ALL THE TIME. I laugh at you, people. Try taking your kids, toddler ages even, to the store where you have to pick up EVERY product to check it’s label. In every isle. For EVERY ITEM on your list. Every hour long trip suddenly turns into a three hour tour. That’s how it goes for the new diagnosed Celiac sufferers for the first 6-8 months of the solid diet. Until we’ve managed to memorize the labels. So, have patience with your kids, and be happy you don’t have to label read.

#4- Dinner’s are no longer “quick.” For this one, I’m not really unhappy about. I LOVE COOKING. But, I do have a few gluten free friends who really dislike that they have to make everything from scratch. There are many gluten free products out there, folks…. But have you seen how unhealthy some of those foods are for you, when they leave the gluten out? Pay close attention to that…

#5- Driving can trigger the worst memories! Especially when passing places like McD’s, DQ, Subway, or even the Coney Stand. I cry passing Olive Garden, Casa’s, and Lee’s. Taco Bell and I had a hard divorce, but I’m happy to say I’ve been TB clean for almost one whole year.

#6- The pain of being accidentally “glutened.” It’s often done accidentally. Most of the time by a friend or family member who tried really hard to make something for you, but didn’t realize that even spices can have gluten in them. Those times, it’s okay. We understand, and are thankful that you try for us. However, when someone labels things “gluten free” purposely knowing that there are gluten ingredients in them, and boldly LIES about it…. They are essentially trying to kill us, and we tend to go batshitcrazy for those instances. Some people still think that being gluten free is a simple fad. Many don’t understand that in some people, severe Celiac cases, gluten can lead to the body attacking itself to death. Just saying.

#7- “Oh wow! You really CAN’T eat much, can you?!” “Eating that causes all of THAT to happen to you?” “Are you sure?” Yes, we’re sure. Do you really think we’d go to the extremes going gluten free causes? DO you know that my daughter uses gluten free shampoo and conditioner to avoid body rashes? Even the slightest bits of gluten cause issue in the severe sufferers. This is not true for all individuals. And yes, our diets may be limited, but I promises we don’t need that much attention paid to how much we can’t eat. That only reminds us, and makes us not feel so happy.

#8- Pretending you’re not hungry anyway. This is what happens at those lunches, dinners, meetings, and parties where there just isn’t food. Happens at family gatherings, park play dates- everywhere. Most of the time this is no issue, until hunger strikes. Then, hopefully you’ve brought your snacks, or your family understands the gravity of finding you food you can eat, and fast. No one has time for blood sugar swings!

#9- “Yeah, she’s avoiding the food again, bet she’s anorexic.” THANKS, FAMILY! Yes, I recently heard this at a family event, while I then watched the person who said it “quietly” down a WHOLE GLASS of wine without thought. (Couldn’t help but chuckle at that one….ohh, the irony…) No, jerk…I don’t have an eating disorder, but for the fabulous hereditary autoimmune diseases unwillingly passed to me before my birth that I had no control over. Thanks for making me feel special, though.

#10- No kissin’! Did you know that make out sessions can causes gluten sufferers to flare? That’s right. If our partners eat something riddled with gluten, and we’re too quick to lock lips after, we can be prepared for mouth rashes, and possible stomach upset by the time it all sinks in. SUCK.

#11- Hangry. I love food. I’ve always loved food. When I was younger, I ate 3 or 4 dinners. As a skinny swimmer, I burned it off quickly. Nowadays, my food choices and calorie intake can be tricky. Making sure I get enough calories can often be a problem, actually. So, often, after eating lunch….an hour later I’m starving, and have the angry-hangry’s. This happens to many people in my “Gluten groups,” too…so I thought I’d add it in.

#12- Nightmares of bread. Not gonna lie, I miss bread. I miss slathering on butter, and eating it at every meal. Okay, not EVERY meal…. Some of my worst nightmares, I’ve woken up covering my mouth, hoping to Jesus that I didn’t just eat the 3 feet of subs like I had just dreamt. Or eating the bag of cookies in a sleepy stupor at midnight. Ugh.

#13- The Fakers! Yes, to you, those diet fad-er. The ones who don’t even know what gluten is, or what it does in the body…..but that swear by their “gluten free” diet during the day. Then post pictures of their beer binges over the weekend, in cans that WE all know are clearly not gluten free. We’re on to you, but because we’re too busy label reading, we’ll just ignore your insanity, and move on.

#14- Inevitably cheating, and immediately regretting it. This happens in stressful times. This happens on Mondays. Tuesdays. Wednesdays. Thurs- I Think you get it. It happens more when you’re first starting on being gluten free, and those times it can be more “accidental.” But, like me, years in to eating this way….I absolutely know if I’m doing the wrong thing, and I absolutely know what’s going to be coming sometimes only an hour or so after my indiscretion.

Thanks for reading! Needed a little break from cook book designing!! 😉